The Slow, Quiet Work of Emotional Healing
This past week, I boarded a cruise ship to the Bahamas with my sisters, my sons, and a couple of their closest friends. As I shared in Monday’s Love Letter, this was a trip that had been long promised and hard earned.
As I look back on our days at sea — sun-warmed afternoons, long conversations, and unexpected moments of vulnerability and connection — I’m struck by how much I’ve changed since the life I knew split open last August. If you had asked me back then who I was, I would have given you one answer. But now, after walking through fire and coming out the other side, I see myself differently.
One thing has surprised me most about who I’ve become — and it rose again and again during those long talks with my sisters: a deeper understanding of self-acceptance and mindfulness, and the quiet, steady power they bring to a life rebuilt after trauma.
What Therapy Taught Me About Emotions
For years before Luke’s accident, I worked with a licensed professional counselor to better understand the role anxiety played in my life and how I could become more emotionally regulated in my daily rhythms — so I could thrive both personally and professionally. My therapist, Katie, has also been incredibly instrumental in helping me process the trauma of Luke’s accident, hospitalizations, and long road to recovery.
She has taught me something I keep returning to: the power of our emotions — and equally, the power of how we think about them and how our behavior flows from those thoughts. Understanding this chain reaction has been one of the greatest sources of empowerment in my emotional and mental life.
Relearning Who I Am After Trauma
“Trauma stripped me down to the core of who I am — and taught me to listen to my life in new ways.”
If you had asked me a year ago how well I knew myself, I would have told you I was grounded. Steady. Self-aware. But life has a way of testing what you think you know about yourself.
Trauma stripped me down to the core of who I am. In the wake of those harrowing days — when fear and exhaustion became a constant undercurrent — I had to relearn how to sit with my own thoughts. How to befriend my own body again after weeks of living in survival mode.
Katie reminded me often: “Emotions are not wrong — they’re messengers.” The question isn’t whether we’ll feel fear, sadness, joy, or even guilt or shame. The deeper work is in how we listen to those emotions — and how we move forward without letting them become the only story we tell ourselves.
The Gift of Holding Space
In the past, when someone would share a challenge they were facing or a frustration they were trying to navigate, I would instinctively try to fix it or reframe it — often without asking what they truly needed from me. I made many assumptions and asked few questions.
“Sometimes the greatest gift you can give is your calm presence, not your words.”
During those conversations with my sisters this past week, I realized just how much this journey has changed me. I no longer feel the need to fix, to fill the silence, or to smooth over discomfort. I’ve learned to hold space — to listen with empathy instead of rushing to offer solutions. I’ve learned that sometimes the greatest gift you can give is your calm presence, not your words.
And perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned to offer that same grace to myself. To let go of the impossible standard of always needing to be okay. To accept that life brings pain, hurt, and struggle our way every day. To reexamine the expectations I hold for this journey — and to make sure my perspective is realistic, rooted in compassion. To offer myself grace for walking this road as best I can.
Softer, Stronger: The Shift I Now Carry
Looking back on where I was nine months ago, what has surprised me most is this: I am both softer and stronger than I ever imagined.
Softer in how I see others — with more compassion, more tenderness. Stronger in how I stand within myself — more rooted, more willing to honor what I need, more at peace with imperfection.
It’s a shift I wouldn’t have chosen. But it’s one I now carry with gratitude.
For Those Beginning This Work
If you find yourself beginning this same work — learning to feel your feelings, understand your emotions, and align your behavior with a healthier mindset — here are a few reminders I’ve found helpful:
Emotions are information, not instructions. You can honor what you feel without being ruled by it. Let your emotions tell you something about what matters to you — and then choose, with intention, how you’ll respond.
Self-compassion is essential. We extend grace so easily to others. Practice offering it to yourself, too. Healing is not a straight path, and neither is emotional growth.
You don’t have to do it alone. One of the most important steps I took was finding a trusted therapist who could walk this journey with me. Having a safe space to process and learn has changed everything.
Begin with small shifts. Notice when you feel the urge to fix, avoid, or silence uncomfortable feelings — in yourself or in others. Instead, practice pausing. Ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to tell me? and What would a wise, compassionate response look like right now?
If you’re looking for a place to start learning more, here are a couple of books I’ve found helpful:
Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
And remember: this work takes time. Be patient with yourself. Even the smallest shifts in how we understand and respond to our emotions can create powerful, lasting change.
A Final Blessing
Blessed are those who sit in acceptance with their own hearts,
for they will discover a deeper well of compassion for others.
Blessed are those who honor the slow work of healing,
for they will be surprised by the light that finds them along the way.
